3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
