Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize