Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
