dude i'm inner monologue high
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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