next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
