If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize