i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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