i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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