We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
