Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
