I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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