Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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