Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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