Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
