Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
