I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
