I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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