Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
