five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
