why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
