her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
