Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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