new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
