she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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