i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
