I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
