They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
