felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
