remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
