Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
