I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Who died my cat blue again?
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