I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
