you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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