we're blogging at a bar
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
