paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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