im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
