is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
