and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
