my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
