she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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