i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
