I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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