You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
