when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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