I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You need Xanax blowdarts
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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