Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Randomize
