God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize