would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
