OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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