can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
