You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
