so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
