just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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