I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
