Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
