I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
