omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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