okay pat passed out under dana's car
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
