Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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