i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
