So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just invented taco cereal.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Randomize
