you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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