i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You need a sexual gate keeper
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
