I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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