i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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