I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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