Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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