The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
