If i come over, it means nothing
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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