you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize