I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
