When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
