And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My ATM looks so different sober.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
