she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
