i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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