He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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