Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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