The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Someone stole a lamp last night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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