It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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