I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize