It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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