and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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