I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
