i just had sex bonerless
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
