idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
