There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
