Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
