You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
