it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize