You smell like a Billy Joel song
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
