i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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