dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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