my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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