Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
