the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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