He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Damn victory sex feels great
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
