im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
