whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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