Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
