New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
