I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
a search helicopter?!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
