Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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