If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
